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First of all, I want to make it clear that I am not picking you apart. And i’m definitely not judging you with these examples of bad habits that are more than likely making your mom burnout worse. I’m not even saying you have these habits. But just to keep it extra real, I have had many of these habits. And, I still have some that i should be working on.
Hey there, mama! Yeah, I’m talking to you—the one sitting up out of bed every morning like a heavy box of bricks. The one who so badly wants to cook healthy for her family, but gets overwhelmed easy. The one who cant seem to keep up with the dishes, laundry, and bathroom simultaneously. And the one, who lays down at night wishing she had done more, wishing she hadn’t yelled that time, wishing she spent more quality time with her children.
What would it be worth to you to go to bed at night feeling like you did a great job at this whole motherhood thing? That the house is tidy (enough), the kids got fed well, and you didn’t have any overstimulation breakdowns?
Mom burnout is real, and it feels like you are going a million miles an hour – yet getting nothing done.
Motherhood can feel both emotionally and physically exhausting. But here’s the good news—I can almost guarantee that your habits are contributing to your burnout, overstimulation, and exhaustion.
How on earth is that good news? Because they are fixable. And I’ll tell you how.
Lets reclaim your motherhood.
What is Depleted Mother Syndrome? Also known as Mom Burnout.
What even is mom burnout? Depleted Mother Syndrome is when your responsibilities (or stressors) continue to grow or pile up – but your resources either diminish or do not also grow.
Think of it as a state of chronic stress that leaves you feeling overstimulated, exhausted, and even disconnected from yourself or your family. No matter how much coffee you drink, you can seem to get our of the “red zone” on your energy/mood meter.
Mommy burnout can be caused by many things, that can be different for everyone. Perhaps it’s you relentless to-do list, your constant multitasking (but not getting anything done), or the social pressure to be a “super” mom. And sometimes, it’s all of the above and then some… combined with a lack of support and not making any time for yourself.
How do you know if what you’re feeling is Depleted Mother Syndrome? Here are a couple signs:
- Constant fatigue: Even after a good nights sleep, you still feel incredibly tired. Almost as if you didn’t sleep at all.
- Chronic Irritability: The smallest things seem to trigger you in to rage, overwhelm, or to completely give up your day.
- Lack of joy: Things you used to love no longer excite you, and they can even feel like a chore to start.
- Forgetfulness: You constantly seem to be forgetting things. Names, dates, where you JUST put something.
- Physical symptoms: Headaches, stomach aches, anxiety attacks, back pain, and more.
Can Habits Be Genetic?
There is now more and more scientific evidence suggesting that habits can be genetic. Even addiction is 50% due to genetics.
Taken from an Article titled Inheritance of Habits:
While such information is desirable, it is surely a biological fact that some habits are inherited, even if we do not know the nature of the process of their inheritance.
Can Habits Be Broken?
Some more good news! Habits can be broken.
It can take as many as 254 days, or as little as 18 days to break a habit. But one thing you can’t deny, is that it will take some level of work and dedication.
A habit breaking tip: As lame as it may sound, you have to find your “why” when it comes to breaking a habit. Why do you want to do this, what would it mean for you or your family if you were to quit, and what positive habit could replace it? In other worse, how important is it for you to quit this habit?
The Impact of Bad Habits on Mom Burnout
As you probably know, our daily habits can have a quite significant impact on overall health. It helps to think of your habits as the “building blocks” of your days, weeks, years. Really, they are the building blocks of your life. Good habits create a solid, safe, stable home. While bad habits can make everything feel like it’s built on rickety stilts that could snap at any moment.
Now, how is mommy burnout and bad habits related?
Bad habits can contribute to mom burnout by adding unnecessary stressors, make you feel exhausted by all the “tabs” open in your brain, and making you feel even more overstimulated and overwhelmed. It’s as if you’re trying to run a marathon with a backpack full of bricks. You don’t really get anywhere – but people keep telling you how “strong” you are, am I right?
But don’t worry, mama! We are about to dive into the top ten bad habits that may be contributing to your mom burnout (& maybe even a bonus habit). We will also explore some practical tips to help you stomp these habits for good.
Get ready to lighten your load, close some tabs, and feel like motherhood IS for you.
Here are 11 Examples of Bad Habits That are Contributing to Your Mommy Burnout.
1. Neglecting Self-Care, or having zero “me time”
I know, I know. Everyone says this. It’s nothing new.
Well, if everyone says it, then why haven’t you done it yet?
Probably because you don’t think you have the time. My bonus habit breaking tip will end this thought cycle for you.
Starting with a classic: neglecting self-care. You feel so busy trying to take care of everyone, and everything in your household that your “me time” ends up at the bottom of the pile, right next to that workout program you bought 6 months ago that you promised yourself you’d start.
Not making time for your personal health and wellness can lead to physical and emotional depletion, ever heard “you can’t pour from an empty cup?”
It can be simple, but having a self-care routine is more important than you can imagine. Even the small seeming things like taking a 10-minute coffee/tea break, a 15 minute workout, enjoying a relaxing bath, or sneaking in a chapter of a good fiction book can make all the difference.
Remember, as a mom, filling your cup isn’t selfish—it’s a necessary.
2. Perfectionism – Trying to be The Perfect Mom
Mommy perfectionism… The sneaky voice in your head whispering, “You should be doing more.” Making you feel like you can never do enough, or catch up on your to-do list, list of wants, and list of extras you’d love to be doing with your kids.
This habit sky rockets up your stress levels and can ultimately leave you feeling like you’re perpetually inadequate.
You’re setting the bar too high for yourself. Instead of trying to do all the play dates, keep the house clean, only cook healthy meals, workout, work on mental health…. and so on.. I encourage you to narrow down the two most important pillars of your life, and focus there first.
Try to embrace your imperfections, make note of the most important ones to work on. And then set realistic goals. Your house really doesn’t need to look like your favorite magazine spread, it’s okay if your kids’ rooms are a little messy.
Give yourself grace. Perfection is overrated—and quite frankly, it’s exhausting.
3. Lack of or Unclear Boundaries
Are you the type of person that has a hard time saying “no”? Wanting to help people its’t a bad trait, but neither is putting your needs first before taking on too much in order to help others. You must fill your cup first.
Saying yes too much, and taking on too much can cause overwhelm, mommy burnout, and resentment when you don’t receive the same treatment or help from others. You want to be in the position to help others and expect nothing back before you start replacing your needs with others.
It’s time to learn to both set, and maintain boundaries. Practice saying no without feeling guilty. Your time and energy are limited and precious, especially as a mama – you need to protect them. Try thinking of it as applying on your own oxygen mask first, you can’t help anyone without your own air supply.
4. Poor Time Management
Motherhood can often feel like you are running around going 90 mph, yet getting nothing done. Or you just keep getting the same things done everyday and staying at “maintenance” instead of moving forwards.
Your stress is high, and your productivity feels low. You feel like you are doing so, so much – but nothing seems to actually get crossed off your endless to-do list.
If you’re anything like I was, you probably spend a lot of time doom scrolling, and a lot of time wishing you could stop. If you’d like to read about my story on quitting social media for a year, I think it would benefit you quite a lot. You’ll be amazed to see that you truly aren’t alone in this screen time battle.
Prioritizing your time is one of the best skills you can learn (this goes back to finding your current most important life pillars). Try using a micro habit planner, daily to-do lists, or even setting timers for tasks. Focus on what’s most important in your season of life, and truly let go of what’s not. There will be time for everything over time, just not all at once.
5. Poor Social Connections
When was the last time you had a conversation, or an authentic visit with someone? Texting and sending funny videos back and forth doesn’t count btw (haha).
Loneliness and lack of support are some of the biggest causes of Depleted Mother Syndrome (mommy burnout). When your load just keeps getting heavier, yet you have no help, or so it feels.
Make time for activities that connect you with others. Put a little focus on building a support network of other mamas. Schedule coffee/tea dates, maybe join a book club, or bible study, simply call a friend. Connection is a key ingredient to a supportive, and loving motherhood for both you and your family.
Pro Tip: Join a homeschool group, they often do events on weekends and even through the summer to connect your self with mamas while your kids get some extra play time and connection for themselves. Even if you aren’t a homeschool mom, most of these groups would love to have you!
6. Unhealthy Eating Habits
Starting with probably the most common mom eating habit: skipping meals. Then eating whatever is fast and easy (probably not healthy) or even not eating at all. I honestly feel like most of my energy and mood issues were solved by my simple, healthy meal plan for overstimulated moms.
Skipping meals, eating badly, and not hydrating leads to crashing energy levels, moodiness, and overall exhaustion. It’s hard to keep up with the kids, and everything else when all i’ve had is a pot of coffee and a dried out cookie from last week.
Making a simple, healthy meal plan for yourself is the best thing you can do here.
Pro Tip: I usually cook a whole chicken once a week just to have an on the go protein source for days I just can’t put out the energy to cook a whole meal for myself.
7. Poor Sleep Hygiene
Are you burning the midnight oil and then getting up before the sun (thats when my youngest used to wake up)? You are definitely not getting enough sleep. You can’t do both, at least not for long.
Irritability, overwhelm, and exhaustion are all signs of not getting enough sleep. If you’re easily overstimulated, you may want to put som focus on your sleep hygiene.
Create a regular sleep routine for yourself, and maybe even look into some teas or supplements to help (magnesium really helps me). Try setting a bedtime, create a relaxing pre-sleep routine, and really stick to these.
8. Overcommitting
This can be overcommitting to others, or even yourself. Expecting too much from yourself, or doing to much for others, maybe both?
Burnout and exhaustion are the inevitable when you overcommit. Or, you cancel a lot and it makes you look like you can’t stay true to your word even though your intentions were truly genuine.
Go over your commitments and prioritize the essential one (life pillars). List them all out, the ones fro you, the kids, your spouse, the community and so on… It’s okay to let the non-essential activities go for a while. Remember, taking on less is often more beneficial for everyone.
What is something you can let go of right now?
9. Lack of Physical Activity
A sedentary lifestyle can sneak up on you rather quickly as a mama, especially when you’re busy all the time. Lack of movement can make you feel tires, sluggish, and lackluster. Not to mention physical activity is also incredible for your kids + maybe you’ll get a nap time (haha)!
Lack of exercise can also bring you down mentally. For busy mamas I recommend a 15-20 minute circuit, and maybe a half hour walk or play time with the kids after lunch.
Try incorporating regular movement into your daily routine. Even short bursts are amazing, like a quick walk, or a dance party with the kids in the kitchen. Even small acts can boost your mood and benefit your physical health.
10. Negative Self-Talk
Do you have a mean girl (bet her name is Karen) living in your head rent free? It’s time to evict her, change the locks, and call for a replacement.
That mean girl invites her friends “low self esteem” and “negative Nancy” over for tequila, now no ones having a good time – especially you. Negative self talk is more detrimental than you could even imagine.
From Very Well Mind:
“Focusing on negative thoughts may lead to decreased motivation and greater feelings of helplessness. This type of critical inner dialogue has even been linked to depression, so it’s definitely something to fix. “
Start practicing positive affirmations, I recommend creating two affirmations for yourself and posting them around your home, on your wallpaper, and even setting alarms on your phone to remember them throughout the day.
If affirmations feels funny to you, you can also quickly change your minds subject by doing a task or busying your mind before you being to spiral.
By recognizing and addressing negative self talk, you can start to reclaim your energy and joy.
11. BONUS: Not Practicing Mommy Micro Habits
If you want to change your life, and truly stick to something I recommend Mommy Micro Habits.
Micro habits are truly life changing, and I have used them a number of times – all with success.
Its all about figuring out your current main life goals, or pillars and breaking them down to manageable and stackable micro habits. Quick wins keep you going, and micro habits are exactly that. Next thing you know, you’re stacking them and meeting your bigger goals.
I have a full 20 page FREE Mommy Micro Habit Planner that I think you would truly benefit from giving a try. It will help you through every step of creating micro habits for yourself, and actually implementing them into your daily life.
Sign up below: Mommy Micro Habit Planner
In the next section, we’ll dive into some basic strategies for breaking these bad habits.
Breaking Bad Habits
Alright, mama. Now that we’ve called out many of those those sneaky examples of bad habits contributing to you mom burnout… it’s time to tackle them – head-on. You wouldn’t want your son or daughter struggling with these later in life, so why would you allow yourself to continue?
Identifying Your Personal Triggers
Recognizing What Triggers Your Bad Habits: The first step in breaking bad habits is figuring out whats setting it off.
Is it chronic stress, boredom, overstimulation, lack of sleep, or maybe even that fourth cup of coffee you know you shouldn’t be having?
For example, if you notice that you’re skipping meals often because you’re too busy or overwhelmed. Your trigger might be that you’re overloading your schedule.
Or, do you find that meal times are completely insane and you become overstimulated? Maybe the trigger is the messy kitchen and busy toddlers. Perhaps you need to set a 5 minute timer after meals to do a “quick clean” and set up an independent play activity for the kids before you start cooking.
Get a small journal or use your notes app to keep track of when and why these habits are creeping in. You’ll start to see patterns rather quickly.
Replacing The Bad With The New
Steps to Replace Bad Habits with Better Ones:
- Micro Changes: Instead of overhauling your entire life, start micro. Enter Micro Habits. For example, you want to drink 80oz of water a day. Start by adding an extra glass every two day until you reach your goal. It takes longer, but the success rate is much higher.
- Pairing Tasks: Pair a new habit with something you already do. If you want to get more exercise, try doing lunges while breakfast cooks or while watching your favorite show.
- Consistency: Stick with it. Consistency is the best way to train your brain. It’s also the best way to reach your goals. Double-win.
- Rewards: Celebrate your wins. Did you manage to go to bed a half hour earlier this week? Treat yourself to a relaxing bath or rent a movie. Positive reinforcement isn’t like Trix, it’s not just for kids.
Seek Support
Where to seek help:
- Family and Friends: Let your loved ones know what changes you are trying to make. They can support and encourage you. Maybe someone will even want to join in and make a similar change, now you both have accountability.
- Professionals: Never hesitate to seek help from a professional if you feel it could be beneficial. A life life coach, a good therapist, or even a fitness/nutrition coach can provide guidance tailored to your specific needs. Remember, asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s about filling your cup first.
- Mom Groups: Join a mom book club, or bible study. Seek out homeschool groups, or summer groups of moms. Often times the kiddos will play and you can get some quality social interaction. Who knows, your newest best friend could be there.
Encouragement and Final Thoughts
We’ve talked about examples of bad habits contributing to mom burnout, identified eleven bad habits that may be triggering you, and explored ways of breaking those habits.
From battling perfectionism to skipping meals. And from poor time management to having no support system, all of these bad habits can be fixed with the right strategies.
Changing habits may not always be easy, but with micro habits and small shifts it definitely doesn’t have to be hard. Every single step you take, no matter how small, is an absolute victory. If you slip up, remember to give yourself grace. All of us mamas stumble sometimes. The important thing is to acknowledge whats important to you, and start making strides.
Addressing bad habits is critical for reducing mommy burnout. By working for these changes, you’re not only improving your own life but also setting an amazing example for your littles, and creating a healthier family dynamic. Those little babies learn from watching you daily, and we know that to be true.
What tNow?
Start small, be patient with yourself, and give yourself grace – being a mom is hard. Do the best you can do, and create a plan.
Download my 20 page Mommy Micro Habit Planner (above) to help you narrow down your life goals, and brea them into actionable micro habits.
I am alwasy here for you, you can find me via instagram @hanna.athome – or you can reach me via my contact page.
Please Share with me!
I always love to hearing from you! Please share your experiences, and any tips you have on this subject in the comment section below. What has/hasn’t worked for you? What challenges do you currently face?
Let’s support each other on this journey to better mommy habits and a better well-being.
