If you find yourself Motherless on Mother’s Day, I hope knowing that you aren’t alone, and reading my thoughts can help you find a level of peace.
Just when you think you’ve got it all together again, along comes Mother’s Day.
For me, and for many others – for many reasons Mother’s Day isn’t what it’s all cracked up to be.
For much of the population, this day is a heart warming, sappy (in a good way), and exciting day where you celebrate your wonderful, caring, and beautiful mom for giving you life and putting up with everything you’ve put her through over the years.
But, for some of us…it just isn’t any of that. In fact, it’s the complete opposite.
The day is full of blunt reminders of the memories we’ve worked hard on shoving away and throwing the covers over. It’s full of happiness, smiles, and “Happy Mother’s Day!” from folks we may not even know.
I’ve grieved this day, every year now for 14 years. But, it’s just as painful as it was the first year I realized the woman that gave me life – would never be in my life.
I was scrolling through my email, like it do every morning (probably not the healthiest thing, but here we are regardless). And right on time, the swarm of mothers day ads, newsletters, and discounts rolled in.
As they rolled in, my heart sank back into the sheets, and some all too familiar feelings swept in.
Pain, grief, loss, and for me – regret.
Things only the Motherless on Mother’s Day will feel.
Being Motherless on Mother’s Day
Some of you, like me, still physically have a mother, yet she is incapable of mothering. And some of you, have a mother that has passed on, and some may have to deal with both grievances.
Whichever you are, the coming of this day doesn’t bring spring flowers, candies, and the warmth of your mothers embrace. Maybe it never has.
Maybe you have been dealing with this grief for years, months, or weeks.
As time passes, we have mostly normal, whatever that really means – days. We make it through without tears, without anger, and without blame.
Then comes Mother’s Day.
Or, then comes the days before Mother’s Day.
The shelves fill with flowers and cute little gifts for moms, your social media timeline is flooded with “the perfect gifts to get your mom” ads, and everyone around you is making brunch plans with their moms.
These days tend to be the hardest, it seems everywhere you go – every direction you look there is some sort of ad for the upcoming day, some sort of reminder of the pain you are dealing with every. single. day.
And then the day comes, it’s busy with laughter and smiles, there are carnations melting down the walls, and the yellows, blues, and pinks blur together as your eyes well up because – well today is not normal.
Then, to make it all even worse, Mother’s Day falls on the second Sunday of May – making it impossible to escape. For many of us there is no burrowing our sorrows in work.
Sunday’s are meant to a be sweet, and peaceful. After all, Mother’s Day is suppose to be this way as well.
If you’re like me, and your significant other still has his or her mother – and she is a wonderful, capable woman. You may still have an event to go to after all.
But, this doesn’t make this day any less lonely, and soul shattering.
Oftentimes you find yourself on the outside looking in, wishing things were just a little fuller for you. Maybe you view the whole day with an angry, jealous lens. Don’t feel guilty for that.
Grief is a difficult, unpredictable thing. There is no telling when it will creep in, and what emotions it may make you feel.
Experiencing a motherless Mother’s Day will feel earth shattering, you are not alone in that.
What saves me on this day
If anything has saved me on this day, it’s being grateful for the people that I do have, and the people that they have.
Trying to see past the tears, and finding the joy in the colors, the carnations, and the smiles that I don’t particularly resonate with.
And, if you are a mother – celebrate this day for you. Celebrate for your children, as their mother is still here, and she is worthy of Mother’s Day.
Know that you are not the only one Motherless on Mother’s Day, and you are not alone.
But, if you find yourself completely alone on Mother’s Day, as i have many times in the past – just breath. And tomorrow, when you wake up – know that doing just that one thing made you victorious.
Be still.
If you need someone to chat with, don’t hesitate – hannaathomeco@hannaathomeco
